Tau'ri Tales The Seven Asgards
by Eilidh17
Summary: Snake wrestling, galactic baddies, and all of this on page 27 of the sports section. Daniel's bedtime stories are never dull. Written for the Stargate Kiddrabble List.


"You sure about this, Danny?" Jack complained as yet another stuffie, a slightly battered and one eyed teddy bear, vied for position on his already overburdened lap.

Standing in the living room, worn but well-loved blanket draped over his shoulder, thumb firmly lodged in his mouth, Danny gave Jack his best doe-eyed look. "Another one?" Jack sighed and conceded defeat, catching the bear before it took a header to the ground. "A small one, okay?"

Small. It's relative really… and Danny, not paying much attention, but wanting his fan club to take a front row seat at tonight's story, only heard Jack's 'okay', and not much else. So out it came… the ten foot long stuffed rainbow colored snake Sam had bought him for Christmas. Blanket between his teeth, hands gripped firmly around the snakes head; it was a tug-o-war between kid Jackson and his favorite reptilian toy.

Declaring round one a draw, Jack picked up Danny and deposited him on the couch with the stuffies while he went black ops on the snake. "There," he huffed after wrestling the hideously huge toy back in the wardrobe. "I think four is more than enough." Danny's tear filled blinking eyes and quivering lip was all it took... Jack caved. "Fine," he sighed grabbing the nearest victim, a seven legged spider, "but no more, okay."

Crisis averted, toys all in a row, sports pages spread across Jack's lap, and they were off. "Once upon a time-,"

"We's done dis one!" Daniel announced.

"No we haven't."

"Uh-huh, the other night. You said, "Once upon a time.""

"Danny." Jack sighed. "They all start with 'Once upon a time.'"

Danny gave him a quizzical look, chewing on his lip. "Okay."

Clearing his voice, Jack started reading the Hockey scores on page 27. "Once upon a time, on a far away planet lived the fair Samantha and her seven Asgard's, Thor, Heimdall, Aegir, Freyr, Loki, Penegal, and Hermiod. Life was good, and every day the seven Asgard's took off into the stars to protect the galaxy from the evil Ba'al."

"Ball?"

"Nope, Ba-a-ll."

"Shiny?"

"Works for me. Where was I? To protect the galaxy from the evil Lord Shiny and his Jaffa."

"Jaffles?"

"The evil Lord Shiny and his Jaffles. Who's telling this story?"

Danny tapped the newspaper and looked at Jack shyly. "You are."

"Could have fooled me." Jack laughed ruffling Danny's hair. "So life was good for Samantha and her Asgard's till one day the wicked witch Nirrti came to the house."

"Nitty?"

Jack chuckled, "She's been called worse. Nitty it is! Now, Nitty was as cunning as she was wicked, and knowing the fair Samantha's love for Brussell Sprouts, tempted her with a particularly juicy one. Samantha ogled the vegetable in all its greenness and bit into the sprout, savoring its vitaminy goodness."

"Eww!"

"Exactly." Jack flipped the page over and frowned at the headlines, 'Blackhawks host Wild Tonight.' The game was a late one, and glancing at the clock on the mantle, he knew he had plenty of time. "Samantha the fair, her golden hair gleaming in the sunlight, choked on the Brussel Sprout and collapsed to the ground, her pantaloons billowing in the breeze. It was in this position that the seven Asgard's found the fair Samantha after a hard day protecting the galaxy from the fiendish Lord Shiny and his Jaffles. Sobbing and heartbroken they placed her in an Ancient sleep chamber while they discussed her predicament.

Thor and Aegir, their cute little grey butts shining in the sun, declared they would take their ships and defeat the evil and ugly Nitty. Penegal, a giant amongst the Asgard, he stood just over 3 feet tall, preferred to negotiate for an antidote, citing Brussell Sprout poisoning as a most tricky crime. Freyr, also an experienced negotiator warned that dealing with the pesky Nitty would never work. He'd seen her kind before, and no good would come of this day. Heimdall and Loki, large black eyes blinking rapidly as their mammoth brains haggled over who was the most handsome, declared that cloning the fair Samantha was the only solution. They were, after all, most brilliant geneticist."

"Wot's a clone?" Danny asked, his head lolling against Jack's arm, teddy firmly seated in his lap.

"A copy."

"So deys going to copy da fair Sam?"

"So they say."

"Dey needs lotsa paper for dat."

"Paper?"

"Uh-huh, to puts in the big machine to clones the fair Sam."

"R-right." Jack said slowly. "Okay, moving on. Now the last of the seven Asgard was the ever so geeky, Hermiod. A clever little Asgard, he preferred to spend his time fussing over the sleep chamber. After all, if anything should go wrong, they would lose the fair Tokra. There were trade agreement and all at stake here! Head down in the inner workings of the chamber, Hermiod leapt into the air, hitting his substantially sized head on the way up, and declared a medical emergency! The sleep chamber was failing and only a silver haired legend from the Tau'ri could save the buxom Samantha."

What's buxom?" Danny yawned and rubbed as his eyes.

"It means she's got big… feet."

"Kay." Tired and on the edge of sleep, Danny's thumb wandered into his mouth and his eye lids fell to half mast. "Den what?" He asked drowsily.

Jack pulled him in closer and flipping the pages away from the sports news and into the motoring section he inspected the latest offering by Chrysler. "Then, in what can only be described as amazing timing, five magical rings dropped from the sky and deposited a familiar hero."

"Da silver haired legend?"

"How did you know?"

Danny shrugged.

"Prying open the Ancient sleep chamber, our hero gathered the lovely Samantha into his arms and kissed her gently, whispering sweet nothing in her ear as she started to stir."

"She woke'd up?"

"Yep."

"And?"

"She rode up in the magical rings back to his waiting ship. The end."

"And da seven Asgards?"

"Well," Jack replied folding the paper. "They drifted out into the stars to protect other worlds from the evil Lord Shiny."

"And his Jaffles?"

"And the Jaffles."

"Dat's good." Danny leaned over and tugged at the newspaper drawing it onto his lap. "Dey's be my hero's."

"They're mine too, son. Bedtime I think, huh?"

Daniel nodded slowly and gathered in his toys. "Cawwy me?"

"Always."


End file.
